Where you Done Gone Been...

 

She was trying to figure out her north node mission...

It was really a tricky thing. 

The one thing she could pin point about it was 

not enough to convict her life to a certain sentence. 

She needed more evidence.

Her north node was in the 6th house. 

That was easy. 

Routines, habits, health, work... 

So she knew that in this life, she really needed to focus 

on herself and what she cared about. 

However... 

Her south node was in the 12th house... 

Meaning she had an addictive past personality. 

And that perhaps in a past life she was either addicted 

to something or she was in an abuse relationship that 

maybe went too far. 

But she wasn't going to go too deep into that. 

Instead, what got her a little baffled was in fact the signs that 

were attached to her north node. 

Libra... The sign of balance. Equality. Reality. and Relationships.

Which meant her south node or past life was Aries...

The I. Me. My. Independent. Warrior.

Only... 12th house!

This was harsh... 

She wondered what exactly did she do in her past life...

Did she do the unthinkable?

Maybe that is why in this life, she struggled so hard to 

follow God. 

Maybe in this life she was to repent. 

Repent and trust and have faith. 

Not in herself or in others... 

But in God. 

And that is why she had so many near deaths happen, 

But God always came through. 

But then she wondered...

 If she had passed the test.. 

Her belief had been reconnected. 

Her faith had been restored..

What all was left for her to do?

Somehow she knew she was missing a part of the story. 

Something was hidden from her. 

She really needed to dig it out. 

Life had gotten pretty stuck and she really didn't have

much time left to not uncover it. 

She heard today that she was to walk with God 

and imagine a new life for herself. 

Because with God, anything was possible. 

So she sat back and gave it some thought. 

What would she like her life to be like?

When she thought back over all that her Plutonic Twin

Had tried to show her.. 

How she always listened to other people 

over her own heart.. 

How she always put other people's well being

before her own. 

How she always gave up so quickly all the things

she really enjoyed doing all because it didn't 

match the idea of those people whom she held near and dear.

But now that she was away from everyone. 

All by herself..

She realized she was still following their ideas, 

their expectations, their visions... 

But why? 

Why did she let go of herself so easily?

What was it about her that she couldn't accept. 

Why did she hate herself so much? 

Why couldn't she accept herself as is?

Why was she always trying to do something to please 

others?

To get their validations?

Their approvals?

Why wasn't she enough?

But she didn't get any answers... 

The only thing that came to her was a voice that said, 

You have to Live this time. 

Really Live. 

And so she wiped her eyes from all the tears she cried..

And she tried to imagine a life that she wanted to really live.

She wanted a life of freedom. 

Adventure.

Excitement.

New experiences!

She wanted to be able to share all her joys 

and experiences not 

only with God but also a life partner. 

One that would work on communications with her.

One that would share emotions with her and allow 

her to do the same.

She wanted to be able to stay put and not always run

when things got hard. 

She wanted to be able to balance routines,

habits, and work situations. 

And for a job, she wanted to be able to help others

with their own relationship with themselves. 

Because that is the one thing she couldn't achieve before. 

Until now. 

Fashion Passion with Compassion

Since Pluto was moving into Aquarius March 23rd, 2023...

He was asking everyone what had they learned about 

their own personal power?  

Before she could answer Pluto, she had to think back 

on her life and really see how far she had come...

She realized that she had grown up quite a bit! 

And so today she wanted to integrate all that she was able

to experience and still come out of it... Alive... 

Alive and Ready to live once more.

It all began in 2019.

She had moved to her favorite state all because of it's super cute  motto...

Virginia is for Lovers

Well, it wasn't just the motto, but also the scenery and ambience. 

Back in 2019, she started off pretty well. 

She got a room, a job, and she began to go regularly out in nature

in order to reconnect to her true sense of self, 

especially after losing her hero back in 2016.

Her father. 

She had a lot of grief to release and a lot of hidden anger! 

She never thought she was angry... She loved her father very much. 

But this hidden anger required some really deep shadow work.

And who other then Pluto, was able to do such great shadow revelations! 

But before she could actually see what was happening,

 she had to first go through a lot of experiences...

It all began when she was working her job as a cashier. 

She started to get hit on almost every day by men young and old,

tall and short, fat and skinny, Spanish and Asian, black and white. 

However, she was still in a place where she really couldn't open up to 

a relationship. 

She had just gotten out of a long relationship that had ended badly. 

And so she was just accepting flattery. 

Then she began to explore Virginia more and decided to 

see if there was any night life happening on Friday nights. 

And sure enough she found a few. 

She picked one that was close enough to her home and from there

she began to go do the one thing she enjoyed the most. 

Dance. 

Since this was a Spanish Night club, she realized that she 

would have to learn their famous dance and one night 

got asked by a sweet guy to do exactly that. 

They hit it off really well and that night it all went down hill

for her... 

Because she was so afraid to release the pains of past relationships

she kept attracting the same issues over and over again.

Her issues. 

Her Pluto territory issues.

Self esteem, self confidence, will power...

All of these were her weak spots and she didn't even know it.

but she should have... 

The signs were always there.

She just didn't know how to see them. 

And this is exactly what she had learned.. 

Not only how to have self esteem and self worth... 

But also how to connect to her higher self and her spiritual team...

How to see the signs... 

How to interpret them for her situation at hand. 

And so here she was today... 

Looking over her last relationship.. 

The one she had thought was her twin flame, yet turned out 

to be Plutonic... 

What was Pluto showing her? 

The sun represented will power, self esteem, self confidence, the soul! 

And this is exactly what was Square for the two of them. 

When she looked at the reflection she saw in her Plutonic Twin... 

She saw herself... 

Only it was her in a masculine form. 

She saw his recent post... 

And even though she wanted to congratulate him on his accomplishment...

She saw it in his face...

 the stress, the struggle, the pain...

And she saw herself... 

How she constantly pushed and struggled all of her days... 

How much stress she put herself through...

How much pain she took on daily only to do what she thought she had to..

But this is where she finally saw it. 

The lesson from Pluto..

Why would she die for this earth when she was so blessed to be on it.

To have her energy put into a human body and be able to experience it 

was indeed a huge gift. 

Why was she allowing her false beliefs and fears take away the one gift 

God had given her. 

Life. 

Life on her own terms through her own faith and beliefs. 

She just had to stop believing in what she was taught

and shown growing up and she had to start believing

 in her own truths as she knew them. 

This is what she had finally come to learn in the past 5 years.

And she Thanked Pluto for his lessons in Power. 

And she allowed him to activate her personal power of

Self Confidence and Self Worth From Within... 

And she gave her Plutonic Twin the same gratitude. 

He was definitely one of her greatest teachers. 

Ante Up or FoLD?

 This whole week had been nothing but one crap shoot 

after another after another... 

And now it was Friday, and she was trying to fathom 

one more ounce of hope to keep going, but as soon 

as she was about to do anything she deemed worthy... 

Down it went.

Now most people would tell her to stop focusing on the bad.

And she would so happily take that advice and run with it... 

However, she had already had that advice in her right hand. 

And she was indeed running with it... 

Only to be road blocked yet again into despair. 

What was happening? 

And Why?

She couldn't hold back her tears anymore.

As she sat at the red light waiting for it to turn green,

She balled her eyes out over the spilled coffee order,

 

and then cursed the wrong turns she kept making with 

all the other orders after that one. 

Finally she gave in... 

She surrendered..

The warrior in her put up the white flag and finally

left the building... 

Or her head... 

Either way, she was done. 

She figured one of two things... 

She could either blame Mercury going into Aries 

for making her night have an all bets off turnabout... 

Or 

She could blame herself for not loving herself once again

and pushing herself too hard to do something she 

never even anteed into.

So that night, she cashed out... 

Tomorrow would be a new day. 

And she hoped for only the best but knew to only 

focus in the now. 

And right now, she was at home, in front of her television..

Ready to watch an old movie, which she knew, 

always brought her back home to herself,

and that's all she wanted right now... 

Was to feel comfortable at HOME...

I Know that I Don't Know so I Know...

 She had stopped writing because she realized she was 

manifesting even the aftermaths that she was writing about.

The writing had kept her in a whirl wind of repeating events.

She was tired of the repeat. 

And as soon as she stopped writing, the truth had been revealed.

The game that was being played...

Finally reached it's end. 

Pluto was done. 

What had she learned?

That was the looming question.

She learned to trust her gut. 

She learned never to believe that the answer was out there.

Everything that she needed was indeed in her. 

She didn't need some magical belief to bring her anything.

She had everything. 

She just needed to listen to it. 

However.... 

Now came the next step. 

And this was the starting over part. 

The part that required her to use what she had within her. 

Her joys,

Her passions,

Her dreams... 

But what were those? 

She had gone so far away from them that she couldn't 

find her way back... 

She wondered aimlessly... 

She pushed herself so hard, yet never really got anywhere

except two more steps back from where she had began.

She really needed to stop now. 

before she ran herself to the ground... Six feet deep... 

So she sat back in her chair and just sipped her coffee...

And there she realized...

She was afraid to live... 

She was afraid to be happy... 

She was afraid to reveal who she truly was, even to herself...

But why?

And did it even matter?

She argued it with herself..

She did matter. 

She knew that much. 

But why was she afraid? That part didn't matter to her.

She just wanted to change it. 

But the block of fear was in the way... 

And this is where she realized that she was going to have to accept it.

She was going to have to accept her fear of moving forward.

Of being someone in this world.

She couldn't isolate herself anymore.

The universe wasn't going to allow it.

She was either going to have to 

Sink 

or 

Swim...

And that's what she was going to have to decide today...

And then actually take a step towards it 

in order to get the backup she required from the universe. 

She looked at Pluto sextiling Venus today... 

And she knew... 

It wasn't going to be easy, but it was possible...

So for her, the waters were getting too high to just continue

to sit there. 

It was time to put on her floaties...

and 

Swim... 

The Secret Waterfall

 

The Virgo Full moon was only a day away...

And Saturn was about to move into Pisces the very same day.

She didn't want to admit it, but she felt very fearful 

of what was to unfold for her. 

Already her year had been anything but nice. 

Everything she was trying to do was falling apart.

No matter what she was trying to put her energy into...

Ended up all for the waste. 

She was getting to the last straw in her box of 100 straws...

Only one more to go... 

Then after that, it was time for her to learn to drink

without a straw. 

Or at least adapt to the different feeling of drinking from a cup.

She didn't understand it. 

Why was life going the way it did for her?

Why was she having such a hard time getting a job. 

Even when she exerted as much energy as she possibly could

in finding one and keeping one... Like Door Dash...

It always crumbled before her. 

There was nothing left to hold onto. 

She kept holding onto the idea that God was going to lead her.

But so far, she couldn't see the help he was offering. 

Was she not looking in the right direction?

Was she not listening?

What other direction was there though?

She had exhausted all her directions.. 

Or so she believed.. 

So what was she to do? 

And so she breathed real deep and she allowed herself to 

just chill... 

Saturn would bring her the next step. 

She knew that much. 

There was no need to run around like a chicken with it's 

head cut off... 

It was time to just 

Surrender

and 

Allow.

Which for her was not easy... But she finally restrained herself... For once....

Love you to death?

 It took him 3 times...

3 rejections...

Then 1 unseen attempt to get her to comply.

It was last rounds at the bar though and she was pretty much as drunk

as she wanted to get before having to drive home from the night club.

And that is exactly how they met. 

His motive was not of love. 

His motive was of proof.

Proof to himself that he could conquer even the toughest chick 

to achieve at the night club. 

For him at least.

As for her...

It was more about being able to cut off an existing lover 

whom she fell for yet had no hope for since he was already taken.

And so that night... they both were in agreement of the unseen agreement.

Pluto was ready with the moon in Aquarius that night. 

Together they worked as a team to settle this contract once and for all. 

The contract of self confidence. 

Self esteem.

Self acceptance.

All of them were ready. 

And so it began. 

The initiation happened that night as the two consumed each other 

in the heat of passion as well as in utter drunkenness!

Since she was the Pluto though...

She carried with her a sense of caution.

Power.

She knew. 

It wasn't right some how.

That's why at 4am... 

She awoke suddenly and knew she had to go. 

He asked... 

"Are you leaving me?"

As if his soul already knew what was coming. 

To which she softly replied, "Yes. I have to."

And away she went. 

~~3 years later~~

She sat at her computer, writing out the very story 

that was just about to be revealed to all... 

This guy that she met at her favorite club, turned out to be a liar.

A cheater and  A thief. 

And as much as she wanted to cut him out of her life, 

she realized that it was the hardest thing for her to do. 

Why?

She knew the answer. 

But did everyone else? 

Probably not. 

Because she was so good at hiding it all behind her fake laughs.

He fake naivety...

Her fake persona....

Her fake identity.

She was the master Traitor...

As was he the master Traidor.

So who was really going to win this deceptive game?

Because as far as Love goes...

They both win. 

But with Being a traitor, there was no 'both'. 

It was always one or the other.

And this is where she had the hardest time letting it go. 

Did she really need to win this time? 

She definitely didn't want to lose... 

And maybe that is why she held on so hard to the game. 

But then... 

She realized that she was losing anyways... 

By holding on.

She wasn't moving forward.

She was standing still and that, in and of its self, was a losing card.

It was a joker card.

An old maid.

And she was neither.

And so she gave the whole situation one last thought...

And then she decided to just let it all go...

It was done. 

Over.

Fin-ito! 

And with that... 

She was free! 

She had won.

For herself. 

The victory she seeked, was hers. 

And she was finally happy... 

There is No EnD, only Again and a GaiN...

 She was sitting in her new room, upstairs... 

In a townhouse in the most beautiful kingdom she could manifest,

for now... 

She was just now getting herself back into a groove. 

Her own authentic groove. 

As she sat in her favorite chair, typing her blog, she looked up

and gazed out her window that was before her... 

and she realized... 

She had been here before. 

Not this same room, but this same state of being. 

Independent.

 Loving all of life.

 Just being grateful for all that was. 

And she liked the energy of it. 

It gave her hope and motivation. 

Inspiration to do anything and everything that she ever wanted.

This was her flow. And from this, she was able to manifest

anything.

 However... the last time she was here...

She overlooked one minor detail to owning all this magic...

And what she had overlooked was the protection required

to hold on to what was hers. 

Most people hold tight to material things... 

But to her, material things could be ripped away in a moments time.

She learned that the hard way. 

But she also learned the other end of that same stick... 

Which was in the giving away of her truth and powers to 

a deep dark sucking energetic portal into the endless hole

 known as the great abyss! 

She learned in 3 years that in order to stay in a place of truth, 

she needed to really own and love who she really was. 

And that required protection every single day. 

Like a body guard for a person of great fame... 

She too needed to first see and accept herself as equally important. 

She had a lot to share and give to all those she encountered...

However, she definitely needed to learn to allow it to go both ways.

And that required patience and time... 

Space...

She had always been so used to running forward.. 

Running ahead..

Creating alone so she didn't need to be afraid of the unknown...

But little did she know...

 that wasn't how the universe worked. 

The universe was about co-creating from;

 Trust, faith, and flow...

Trusting in who God had made her.

Faith that God was always with her.

And 

Flowing in Love for all that she was and did moving forward.

She always met people who would give her the message of;

"Follow your Heart"! 

And it would frustrate her to no end trying to figure it out.. 

what that meant??

 or 

even how to apply it!

Until now... 

As she sat in her new room, looking out her window, 

she saw all that she couldn't see before. 

Herself. 

And her Importance to who God had made her. 

She finally saw the LOVE in her Heart...

and she was ready to co-create with it every day

 for the rest of her existing life.... 

Starting always with herself.