She was trying to figure out her north node mission...
It was really a tricky thing.
The one thing she could pin point about it was
not enough to convict her life to a certain sentence.
She needed more evidence.
Her north node was in the 6th house.
That was easy.
Routines, habits, health, work...
So she knew that in this life, she really needed to focus
on herself and what she cared about.
However...
Her south node was in the 12th house...
Meaning she had an addictive past personality.
And that perhaps in a past life she was either addicted
to something or she was in an abuse relationship that
maybe went too far.
But she wasn't going to go too deep into that.
Instead, what got her a little baffled was in fact the signs that
were attached to her north node.
Libra... The sign of balance. Equality. Reality. and Relationships.
Which meant her south node or past life was Aries...
The I. Me. My. Independent. Warrior.
Only... 12th house!
This was harsh...
She wondered what exactly did she do in her past life...
Did she do the unthinkable?
Maybe that is why in this life, she struggled so hard to
follow God.
Maybe in this life she was to repent.
Repent and trust and have faith.
Not in herself or in others...
But in God.
And that is why she had so many near deaths happen,
But God always came through.
But then she wondered...
If she had passed the test..
Her belief had been reconnected.
Her faith had been restored..
What all was left for her to do?
Somehow she knew she was missing a part of the story.
Something was hidden from her.
She really needed to dig it out.
Life had gotten pretty stuck and she really didn't have
much time left to not uncover it.
She heard today that she was to walk with God
and imagine a new life for herself.
Because with God, anything was possible.
So she sat back and gave it some thought.
What would she like her life to be like?
When she thought back over all that her Plutonic Twin
Had tried to show her..
How she always listened to other people
over her own heart..
How she always put other people's well being
before her own.
How she always gave up so quickly all the things
she really enjoyed doing all because it didn't
match the idea of those people whom she held near and dear.
But now that she was away from everyone.
All by herself..
She realized she was still following their ideas,
their expectations, their visions...
But why?
Why did she let go of herself so easily?
What was it about her that she couldn't accept.
Why did she hate herself so much?
Why couldn't she accept herself as is?
Why was she always trying to do something to please
others?
To get their validations?
Their approvals?
Why wasn't she enough?
But she didn't get any answers...
The only thing that came to her was a voice that said,
You have to Live this time.
Really Live.
And so she wiped her eyes from all the tears she cried..
And she tried to imagine a life that she wanted to really live.
She wanted a life of freedom.
Adventure.
Excitement.
New experiences!
She wanted to be able to share all her joys
and experiences not
only with God but also a life partner.
One that would work on communications with her.
One that would share emotions with her and allow
her to do the same.
She wanted to be able to stay put and not always run
when things got hard.
She wanted to be able to balance routines,
habits, and work situations.
And for a job, she wanted to be able to help others
with their own relationship with themselves.
Because that is the one thing she couldn't achieve before.
Until now.
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