There is No EnD, only Again and a GaiN...

 She was sitting in her new room, upstairs... 

In a townhouse in the most beautiful kingdom she could manifest,

for now... 

She was just now getting herself back into a groove. 

Her own authentic groove. 

As she sat in her favorite chair, typing her blog, she looked up

and gazed out her window that was before her... 

and she realized... 

She had been here before. 

Not this same room, but this same state of being. 

Independent.

 Loving all of life.

 Just being grateful for all that was. 

And she liked the energy of it. 

It gave her hope and motivation. 

Inspiration to do anything and everything that she ever wanted.

This was her flow. And from this, she was able to manifest

anything.

 However... the last time she was here...

She overlooked one minor detail to owning all this magic...

And what she had overlooked was the protection required

to hold on to what was hers. 

Most people hold tight to material things... 

But to her, material things could be ripped away in a moments time.

She learned that the hard way. 

But she also learned the other end of that same stick... 

Which was in the giving away of her truth and powers to 

a deep dark sucking energetic portal into the endless hole

 known as the great abyss! 

She learned in 3 years that in order to stay in a place of truth, 

she needed to really own and love who she really was. 

And that required protection every single day. 

Like a body guard for a person of great fame... 

She too needed to first see and accept herself as equally important. 

She had a lot to share and give to all those she encountered...

However, she definitely needed to learn to allow it to go both ways.

And that required patience and time... 

Space...

She had always been so used to running forward.. 

Running ahead..

Creating alone so she didn't need to be afraid of the unknown...

But little did she know...

 that wasn't how the universe worked. 

The universe was about co-creating from;

 Trust, faith, and flow...

Trusting in who God had made her.

Faith that God was always with her.

And 

Flowing in Love for all that she was and did moving forward.

She always met people who would give her the message of;

"Follow your Heart"! 

And it would frustrate her to no end trying to figure it out.. 

what that meant??

 or 

even how to apply it!

Until now... 

As she sat in her new room, looking out her window, 

she saw all that she couldn't see before. 

Herself. 

And her Importance to who God had made her. 

She finally saw the LOVE in her Heart...

and she was ready to co-create with it every day

 for the rest of her existing life.... 

Starting always with herself. 

The Tragedy of broken confidence

She was driving around town, doing her Door dash 

when in chimed her ex. 

He wasn't even kind or loving. 

He was cold and hateful. 

He was telling her to stop clicking on his posts, an then 

going into a hateful downward spiral about how she was 

never a good person let alone a worthy person to anyone else. 

Then he told her to go and get back together with others 

whom she was with before and that he hoped that she would die

of an incurable disease because of it. 

She didn't understand. 

Where was all this coming from? 

Especially when all she ever was with him, 

was honest, loving, and caring... 

But then when she reversed it.. 

Reflected it like a mirror. 

She saw it.. 

The unanswered questions...

\\\\

Where did she have no self confidence for herself and her life 

moving forward? 

Where was she depending on another, especially 'A Daddy" 

To help her and tell her were to go... 

What to do?

Who to be with? 

And there it was. 

The truth. 

The truth to her life. 

And all that she needed to step into. 

Her self confidence with not only God, 

But with herself...

Would she be able to do it?

When you Role the Die in Life...

 She caught herself looking out there again for something that 

was so obviously always found right there in front of her... 

It was that NEXT STEP...

That was it. 

The Heart was always found right there in that very next step.

So for her, when it was time to awaken her feminine energy, 

all she really needed to do was listen and follow her heart's

current energy flow. 

She realized that her heart had always had all the answers. 

She felt them. 

They came in loud and clear always. 

But her ego had found a way to make her believe that she 

was deaf and needed to listen more to outside validations. 

This was quite the 'ah ha!' moment for her. 

As she sat in her favorite coffee house at the Dunkin Donuts,

she could hardly contain herself from leaping up for joy!

This new found revelation had unchained her! 

Freed her from her own imprisonment!

Somewhere in the midst of growing up, she must have put the 

shackles on her heart out of fear of perhaps hurting 

someone she really cared about outside of her own heart, 

to the detriment of her own self Love!

She allowed her heart to be unheard for the love of a lie.

A lie that it was okay to be abusive.

And she learned that the hard way. 

Through experience. 

Experience that in order to be abusive to others,

 one must first abuse themselves! 

And in her lifetime... 

She realized that she was always attracting men who would 

abuse her... 

And with each abusive man, she was always calling cops on them

to be removed from her in order to save her own life. 

But the attraction was always in her.. 

Like a magnet. 

The self abuse that she had accepted when she choose to love 

the lie that it was okay to love someone who hurt another. 

This was definitely a mirror reflection she thought. 

And finally she chose to see it for what it truly was.

Her own reflection.

And so here she was today... realizing once and for all that 

it wasn't the abusive men who needed removing from her life. 

It was her own self abuse that needed acceptance and eventually 

Transformation. 

It was right then and there that she was truly grateful...

And as she gave her thanks to God and the universe for 

helping her to see, feel, and understand this very lesson...

It was then that she felt the integration...

And with her newfound Wisdom, she was ready to go to the 

next level of her existence in this game she called Life... 

Don't MiND me...

It was time to close the door on who she used to pretend so hard to be. 

The universe was no longer supporting her in her miserable state. 

God came to her and said, 

"Woman, wake up!"

And so she gathered all her false beliefs and tied them all up into a bundle. 

And she threw them all out the car window as she was driving down 

the Highway to Hell. 

Okay... it was Highway 10... But same difference she thought... 

So then who was she? 

Honestly?

Well... 

She was a very masculine energy woman. And she needed to 

reconnect with her feminine energy if it was the last dying wish

she was needing to make... 

God and her arch angels where definitely on top of this next mission.

They were all guiding her ever so clearly... 

Everywhere she looked... When she wasn't expecting it... there they were. 

Smiling that sly smile that told her two things...

Number one... That she was safe and needed not to worry so much.. 

Because the only way to activate the feminine energy was indeed 

to rest safely in God's security. 

But also number two... that she really needed to stop using her head so much

especially when things were starting to get really hard! 

But she had been so used to going straight to her Brain for all the answers

that now, when it was time to turn to the heart...

She couldn't find her way home...

 She caught herself going back to all the places... or memories that 

used to feel comfortable... 

But as she stood in the middle of it all... 

It seemed to have all turned her down. 

Just as her family had done back in the Sunshine state..

Maybe she wasn't supposed to go back to an external place

that made her feel good... 

Maybe to go to her heart was a completely different idea...

Nah, ideas came from the mind also... so she knew that wasn't it. 

She really had to just surrender this time... 

But what did that even mean? 

Especially to her... a forever warrior... 

"Ugh... She sighed...

Why did life have to be so hard to figure out?

To Be Continued...

I NeeD Me B4 I NeeD U

She sat at the coffee house waiting for the time to pass. 

It was chilly out and was only going to get colder by moonlight.

So she figured why not warm up while businesses were open. 

Then once they all closed, then she would have to face the 

winter chill with only a metal exterior and 6 windows to 

keep her warm.. 

Who was she kidding? 

She very well knew she had the heater just incase

she absolutely needed to heat up with more then what a beer, 

 winter clothes, and several layers of thick blankets

could provide.

She really wasn't worried at all. 

She was however playing the waiting game though. 

And sometimes, waiting took a lot of strength... 

And she knew that behind strength really was the power of faith.

And faith came from spirituality.

 Which she knew matter of factly that she had more that 100% of..

She practiced walking into her fears on the daily

 and that was exactly what faith and spirituality really were all about

However, what she needed to work on though, was her staying power. 

Even though, staying required facing a fear, it was never about

fear when it came to 'staying' for her. 

So then what was it?

This is what she really had to ponder about her life thus far.

 And so she asked herself,

Why was she always doing things in her life that she really didn't

even enjoy?

To the point that she always had to vacate it? 

Which of course, made her appear as a flake.

A snow flake...

Airhead?

Naive?

Childish?

Why did she want to continue this route? 

Or did she? 

Maybe that is why she was here.

In her favorite place. 

In her favorite season. 

In her favorite coffee house blogging away as she always loved to. 

Maybe this time she was finally taking that step to do what she 

truly loved. 

And that was to be her. 

Her true authentic self. 

Even if she didn't know where it was going to end up. 

She knew it couldn't be bad for her again

 especially if she was going to go from her self love and heart this time.

Illusion Delusion Just once more

 She was driving down the road. 

Radio blasting her Spanish favorites..

When a thought popped into her head... 

A scene actually... 

So she entertained it...

There was an office setting. 

A big desk. 

A file cabinet...

And a man in a suit that sat behind the great big desk. 

He sat there with a frustrated look on his face. 

He was writing down names on a yellow line notepad. 

He mumbled to himself in disgust, 

"How man thumbs do I gotta break this week?"

And he began to write down name after name, 

when he realized that he didn't have his Energy drink yet.

He leaned over and pushed the red button on his phone marked 

'Intercom'.

"Send in Bambita Pronto!" He spoke forcefully.

"Yes Mr.Lopez, Right Away!" Responded a mature female voice.

Not even a minute later, the door cracks open and a beautiful 

sexy blonde glides in...

"How may I assist you Mister Lopez Sir?"

and offers a curtsy...

"You can start by wiping that god awful smirk off your face, that's how!"

She was taken aback! 

But she also knew that this was a part of the 

job description to which she had agreed to. 

So she did exactly as he commanded. 

"Yes sir, as you wish..." She concurred.

"Is there anything else master Lopez that you wish?"

"Yes Bambita. Seek me my Energy Drink Pronto!"

She nodded and softly spoke, "Yes Sir Master. Lopez. Right away sir."

She spun around on her heels and went straight out the door. 

As the door closed, Boss man Lopez sat at his desk with his hands 

gripping the pencil with which he was writing the names, 

when he realized he had broken the pencil in two.

Why did Bambita have to look so enticing all the time? He thought.

And why did she always have to wear such revealing outfits? 

He realized he was beginning to perspire just by envisioning

 her bare smooth luscious thighs that ran all the way up to... 

And then his concentration was broken when the door opened 

once again... 

Bambita rushed in almost tripping on her own left foot, but caught herself...

She slowed down and walked up to the huge desk where he was seated and 

she place the energy drink on a coaster on his desk. 

"Your drink, Master Lopez." She asserted in the politest tone she could muster

without sounding like she was afraid to be shot for even speaking. 

Then she turned and began to walk away, when he immediately uttered, 

"Bambita! Come here!

 Then continued to point at a chair in front of the 

great big desk...

 "Sit, Please."

Bambita turned around and came back slowly. 

"Yes, Master Lopez. Did I fail you in some way sir?"

"Not so much as failed... I wouldn't say that, Bambita.. But I must 

say this now to you or I believe we will have a lot to e'splain later."

"I don't understand, Mr. Lopez..." she pleaded.. 

It's your Blouse Bambita... There is way too much showing..

How do you expect me to get any work done around here with 

you coming around and teasing the entire office!"

"Oh heaven's! I didn't even realize it, Mr. Lopez.. Please do forgive me.. 

I will button it up immediately!" She replied.

"No Bambita! You have done enough damage. I will do it myself."

He reached over and grabbed the blouse where it came to a 'V' near her chest.

His hands were so warm and hard... 

Bambita gasped for her next breath...

She looked up and her eyes met his eyes.. 

"I'm sorry sir," she muttered.. 

"I didn't mean to get startled".

Mr. Lopez felt his own heart beat faster with her blue eyes staring deeply into his...

He almost lost all control from his appetite for her, but then broke his gaze

from her eyes

 and softly whispered in her ear in a slow deep tone, 

"Just don't let it happen again"

Then his hands began to brush against her skin and the warmth began to ignite 

more flames in her then she was ever prepared for... 

Her chest began to rise and fall faster and faster

 and she was afraid he was going 

to notice her burning desire all too soon...

But then to her surprise, he wasn't buttoning up her blouse..

He was unbuttoning it!

No sooner then later, his warm masculine hands had 

 forcefully slid into her bra and encompassed her breasts. 

She didn't even get the chance to gasp, because right away, 

his mouth had seized hers!

And then the vision bubble broke... 

She had arrived at her next delivery sight and so she put the story to bed...

Just like that. 

No MoRe Fights...

One of her biggest lessons in this life was to own her truth! 

As easy as that had sounded... she never thought it would have 

been so hard to achieve..

Why?

Because Attachment had the biggest hold on her. 

She had an addictive personality flaw. 

She kept getting attached to people who really didn't 

have her best interest in mind.

 

It's almost like she enjoyed the fight. 

She wondered if this was because she had felt so 

comfortable being a warrior in a past life.

She was in deed the best one of her time. 

But in this life time... 

She knew she was not here to fight. 

She made sure to make it very obvious to herself. 

So she couldn't play dumb. 

She couldn't pretend to NOT KNOW.

Cause she was very much in the know. 

Even to the point of being able to read it in the stars. 

And so here she was today... 

Ready to end the game she played with herself.

She wasn't going to fight any one any more. 

And she definitely wasn't going to fight her own heart ever again.

It was a time to surrender. 

And she was ready. 

After her last fight... 

She didn't find it fun anymore to be the winner. 

The warrior... 

She needed someone to match her. 

Someone who allowed her to be herself. 

But that someone first had to be herself. 

She had to allow herself to walk in her own truth.

She had to own her own magic, 

with love. 

But before she could do that... 

She knew she had to find her vibe again.

And that required for her to go back to all that she loved about who she was.

One kick,

One beat,

One hike,

One flake,

at a time...