Who are you? Who am I?

 She wasn't going to fall for it this time. 

It was Valentine's Day and even though it was her favorite 

holiday, she wasn't going to let him ruin it for her. 

Who was he? 

He was her Plutonic Twin. 

Meaning that he and she both had planned to come together 

to learn self esteem and self confidence issues that they both had 

been carrying for so many lifetimes ago, that it was time to wake up!

So of course, when on Valentine's day He decided to show a small move,

she had deemed it too small... Way too small in fact. 

Especially after all that he had said and done. 

He basically admitted to her that he had been sleeping with 

several people and that they were what he was looking for. 

She was not one to play games. 

She believed every word spoken. 

She never doubted anything.

She took words very seriously. 

Because she only spoke truth. 

So she expected only truth from others. 

And when he had said he had much better escapades then her. 

That was her sign to let it go. 

And even though she was a slow turtle when it came to 

running the race.. 

She knew that Eventually, she would win the race. 

But was it ever really a race? 

Or was it something else? 

ALways HeRe and NoW...

 Why did she always do it?

She had to ask herself several times... 

But eventually she got what she wanted to hear..

Which was the truth.

And just what was the truth though? 

Well before that could be revealed..

She knew that the first thing to understand 

was, in fact, the question.

And so what was the question? 

She thought long and hard... But eventually came to it.

The question was... 

WHY?

Why did she always agree to do things that she really

did not feel connected to in her heart?

And to answer that question... 

She dug deep and found that a lot of times, 

she was doing and choosing things all because there was 

a status quo that she was trying to please.

She also knew that a lot of times, 

she was trying to get validations from people she thought 

were the dictators of her life. 

And so with this false belief, she went through many...

And with each, she endured a lot of abuse. 

But she did it with valor. 

Why? 

Simply because she had thought that is what was expected of her. 

But eventually.. 

Many wasted years later, she had found out the truth.

The truth that she was wrong. 

There really wasn't anyone who held a spot higher then 

her true self and the God in her 

And so... there she was.. 

Middle aged and starting again. 

Where would she go this time?

What would she do this time?

These were now all up to her. 

No one else. 

And she was ready...

She really wanted to try one last time. 

To see where she would take herself.

With no one else to please but herself, life began to look 

exciting... but also scary... 

It was almost like walking a desert.. 

Nothing but blank space ahead to create whatever she wanted... 

But what did she really want? 

That was the one question she learned she didn't have to answer.

Ever. 

She just had to live it. 

And that is exactly what she had planned to do... 

One day at a time. 

Beginning with the NOW moment. 

Found it!

 He kept trying... 

But she was done.

He was now about to feel all that the others before him had felt.

Cause she was that magic.

That magic that only came like a comet. 

And men will always speak of her as such...

"She was a unique constellation of attributes; she was my Halley's comet. But the universe is designed to break your heart"

And so it was. 

She knew he would deny it though if ever asked. 

He would say all kinds of negatives about her. 

He would trash her beyond recognition. 

She knew this. 

But she also knew that she didn't believe any of it.

She knew who she was. 

And she knew she was a gift.

A gift of Love to anyone who knew how to attract her!

But the attraction wasn't enough to keep her. 

In order to keep her type of love, a man would have to own 

the same type of love for himself. 

And this guy who followed her around like a little lost puppy...

unfortunately didn't know the first thing about what loving himself 

looked like. 

He just knew how to dictate and push himself. 

He was on the fast track to death, in her eyes. 

And that wasn't the

type of man she could see herself living life with.

Cuz eventually he would die. 

He'd basically lead himself to his own death bed before it was even time! 

So... 

Here she was.. 

Starting again.

She looked in the mirror and gave herself a sly smile and a wink. 

She was owning it this time.

Who she was. 

And where she would end up, 

were all in her hand...

Or actually...

Her heart, 

as she had finally learned! 

One last Shot

 It was that time again. 

Her life had come to the same ending as it always had

 many times over.

Her recent relationship with another human had run it's course

yet again as it always did in the past.

Only this time... 

She saw it clearly. 

Finally!

All those times before, she used to put her power out there.

She had thought that by giving of herself to others all that she knew

and had within her...

That it would somehow magically give her, love back in return.

But little did she know... 

That if she didn't already feel and have love in her

for herself first and foremost... 

That the very things that she was giving and putting out, 

really were not that of love. 

In fact, the energy that she was really putting out was indeed 

negative energy. 

And with that negative energy, all she was able to attract was 

the same negative energy. 

Why?

She had learned... no sooner then later, that it was because

relationships where indeed meant for not only love and reproduction,

but also for reflection.  

And so with this final revelation... 

She was now ready to once again move forward. 

Only this time... 

She wasn't going to self destruct!

She was going to live.

And she was going to really LOVE.

First God.

Then herself. 

And Finally, Others. 

The Bright Darkness Dims

 Her fear of making mistakes and proving herself a failure

was beginning to show up again in real life. 

It was February 2nd... Ground Hogs Day! 

Was it time for another repeat?

This too was also a fear she held tightly to.

But as a teacher to the whole world, 

She always taught them that holding on to fears and running with them

was the very thing that was going to secure that very fear 

in their here and now.

Yet, when it was her time to face those exact same choices in life,

it allowed her to feel the heavy weight of that saying, 

"It's easier said then done".

She sat outside on her porch contemplating what was real 

and what was make believe... 

She looked around herself and she saw that she was very grateful

for what she was given during hard times. 

Yet, she knew that she needed to get back on her feet because 

tensions were proving that time was not only running out 

but that it would be a harsh deadline without pay. 

And there was that word. 

PAY...

Why did that word strike up so much fear in her? 

As if there was a price to pay for being who she was. 

She tried not to focus on this fear. 

But instead she welcomed it. 

As the fear lifted... she began to see clearly where she kept 

going in circles with that very fear. 

The fear of not being paid for doing those things in life that actually

excited her. 

The fear that the things that she enjoyed and was inspired by each day,

would always have to be put away for later because of the fear

that they would not bring her abundance the same way 

that getting paid did when doing something for someone else

in their timing and their way. 

However, still having to wait for the pay a week or two later, 

created worry then for the money to come in time to pay bills

that punished harshly when not paid in time. 

And that very fear was what kept the cycle repeating...

But so... 

what was as the ROOT of this fear, she thought?

Failure. 

But to whom she thought? 

Because when she did what she enjoyed, she was a winner.

She didn't care who agreed or didn't. 

And when she was a winner, sure enough the abundance flowed in

like a river that was overflowing. 

It was her mindset. 

That was where the fear had took her hostage.

Her view that life had to be lived a certain way. 

That life had to look a certain way. 

That is where her truth had taken a backseat, because 

her truth had so much more to offer then what she allowed herself

to believe was all there was. 

Her fire was in her heart. 

She needed to allow herself to warm up by that very fire.

It was never out side of her. 

The fires she would make outside, always needed 

a lot of attention and were never guaranteed,

 whereas the fire within her heart only needed her 

to be alive and just live. 

And this is where the repeat would stop and the flow 

would once again begin.

When she followed her heart!

  

The Battle Within Ignited...

 With the Full Moon in Leo coming around the corner slowly

like a Lion strategically maneuvering it's prey, 

She too was trying to slow down the emotional upheavals

that kept exploding at her on a daily basis!

As she stepped back into the shadows though, so as to not be 

blinded by the sparks and blazing fires of all the flaming arrows

thrown... 

She saw that perhaps these battles were meant to happen. 

In order for all the emotional cellular memory pains to be 

activated within her... something had to trigger them!

And she knew, that most of her emotional pains did indeed

come from her old family lineage!

But... as they were all being hit one by one, flaming arrows

all burning away at her core... what was she to do?

Was she to follow the commands of those who were 

throwing the arrows? 

Should she leave?

Should she run?

Should she hide?

Or should she fight back?

As she contemplated each one of these fearful coping 

mechanisms, she realized that this time around, she wasn't going

to give away her power by turning to her fear mechanisms. 

This time, she was going to just sit back into acceptance of 

what was happening before her, to her, and in her. 

No, it didn't feel good. 

Knowing that people didn't approve of who she was.

It didn't feel good that everyone saw her as a failure because she 

didn't live as they wanted her to.

It didn't feel good not being seen for all the great energy 

she was pouring into them and their lives, but instead being made

felt as though she was a burden on them. 

But she accepted it. 

She allowed this not so good feeling to run through her. 

And she welcomed it... 

And then she examined it as it came up one by one. 

She realized as they came up though as... False beliefs... 

A false belief that family was supposed to be accepting and loving. 

That family was supposed to be the ones who knew everything.

She accepted that the idea she created as a child in her mind

that family was the one who would tell her when she was right

or when she was wrong turned out to be a very unreal truth! 

It was all just false beliefs! 

She didn't have to maintain any connection to them at all. 

No one was going to tell her that she was of bad character. 

The only person she had to ever be eye to eye with was God. 

And she realized that sometimes, even family would end up

falling away out of one's life because they just couldn't see eye to eye.

And that was actually okay.

No harm no foul. 

It was just what it was. 

A parting of energies.

A moving on. 

An ascension!

Attraction CoNTRaPtioN

 Today was a day of easy flowing. 

She sat outside and meditated first thing in the morning

 with her music and coffee

. 

Then she did her yoga not long after that. 

Later, she made two videos in the afternoon. 

Yet figured she'd edit them later the next day since 

she had planned to do her door dash right around peak time!

And that she did. 

And now, here she was at the end of her day feeling 

very accomplished and very content. 

She was writing in her blog and that's pretty much 

all she really needed in this life. 

well... That and a partner for those extra snippets of 

available times for fun and adventures to far away unknown places!

Yes... That was all that was missing from her life as of right now. 

But she didn't let it get the best of her. 

Instead she remembered that in order to attract the right energy,

she had to first be the energy she was looking to attract. 

And so... She configured for herself exactly that energy which 

she had wanted to attract...

And just how would she do it?

How would she create the feeling of all the joys that she

wanted to experience together with a matching partner? 

 And that's when the answer hit her...

Smack dab between her eyes!

She was going to call upon God and ask him to go with her

 on all of the wonderful journey's she wanted to explore

in the here and now!

And so she did just that. 

And she knew... 

She was never alone. 

And that when she went with God anywhere... 

She always knew she was safe. 

She was taken care of.

She was provided for.

And that everything she did, was also respected and honored. 

With God by her side, she knew she was free to be who she was created to be. 

And that made every journey she took, the best one ever! 

This is where her true joy radiated from!

And this is where God would be able to match her with a true match!

Because God was the creator of the law of attraction,

And She knew that it always worked. 

For the good or for the bad. 

And this time, she wanted it 

to be

 for the good.