Let go to Surrender

It was Sunday night, 

Or Early Monday morning, since it was  midnight exactly,

however people wanted to look at it, she imagined..

However, that wasn't the main event in her mind. 

Her mind was a fog, all day long... 

But towards the evening, it managed to get more dense

instead of clearing up like she wished it would. 

She wondered if maybe she was putting her power 

out there. 

And when she reminisced the night from earlier, 

she realized real quick that indeed she had. 

She wondered why though. 

What was making her give over her power all the time to outside

energies?

and that's when it hit her. 

It was because she wasn't getting anywhere in her own life.

She wasn't doing anything that was producing any fruit.

She was sinking.

Deeper and deeper into the great abyss of nothingness.

Why wasn't the energies working with her?

What was the hold up?

She couldn't figure it out. 

She was doing all that she loved. 

She was making videos on the stars and planets. 

She was offering all that she knew about birth charts

and the readings of it to the collective... 

Yet nothing was catching on. 

Nothing was being rewarded financially to her. 

She was getting deeper and deeper into debt.

She couldn't buy food, gas, clothes, let alone pay for any rent 

or utilities. 

She was really falling head first into a bottom less pit!

She tried so hard to get jobs. 

But no one seemed to respond. 

When she went to them, they all turned her away. 

What was happening?

Why was she stuck in this twilight zone?

What was the universe trying to tell her? 

And why couldn't she hear it?

She was at her wits end... 

And she knew... It was almost over.

All of it...

There was not much more that could fall. 

Disappear..

or even Explode...

It was time...

Time to just let go. 

Let go of it all. 

And so she did that night... 

She laid down after 3 glasses of Pinot Grigio..

and she softly said to herself...

God be with me as I lay me down to sleep..

I pray, thee my lord, my soul to keep...

and then she passed out... 

Your Poison...

 She was listening to a song by Alice Cooper...

It was called Poison... 

And she used to love the lyrics for being

So evil.

So twisted.

So deceptive... 

But then she remembered that with that kind of thinking...

That kind of poisoned mindset...

 She attracted him.

And she didn't want to go back there again.

It was indeed something that now she couldn't believe

she ever stayed in. 

Let alone manifested herself. 

She felt so ridiculous..

What was she really thinking?

How could she have been so twisted in her heart and mind?

She decided not to hate herself for it though, but instead 

to learn something from it. 

She heard it all the time;

 Bury the past, but take the wisdom.

And so that is exactly what she was going to do.

In her life, she kept attracting the same type of guys... 

Guys who had daddy issues. 

Making them all broken.

Just like her.

Afraid to commit to anything. 

Afraid to feel emotions.

Afraid to be totally authentic with themselves and with others..

She was also what they were... 

Broken. 

But by avoiding her own issues and trying to prove herself with 

guys in a relationship... 

It only attracted the same kind of poison that was already in her. 

The poison of bitterness! 

And when she finally saw that in her final relationship...

She realized it was time to stop. 

And face the truth.

That she could either forgive herself for harboring daddy issues...

Or she could die from the poison of bitterness. 

  

She chose to 

Universal Babie

 If this life were a fairy tale... 

Hers would be that of The Odyssey.

Why The Odyssey?

Well, simply because it has psychological depth and is imbued with the presence 

of gods and goddesses, that's why. 

She always called herself the Hungarian Goddess, but today, she wanted to 

explore a little further into the fantasy world and allow herself 

to get carried away with cleverness of The Odyssey.

In The Odyssey, we have Odysseus depressed on the island of Calypso...

Yet he begins to learn and get more in touch with his soul and feminine side

when he meets Kalypso, the veiled nymph and sorceress, who's name means,

"She Who Conceals".

Side note here, the term Nymph, to those who might not know, means; 

a mythological spirit of nature imagined as a beautiful maiden inhabiting rivers, woods, or other locations.

 

Nymph is not the same thing as a Nymphomaniac, which means;

1. a woman with uncontrollable or excessive sexual desire.

The interesting part of this mythological story is that Calypso fell in love 

with Odysseus and craved him for her own.

Odysseus messes up too though... 

When he makes love to Calypso in 

her hollow cave, it becomes the stopover in Odysseus' journey of the soul.

When she read the over view of this Story, The Odyssey,

 she knew immediately 

that this was her story.

She wrote it. 

Thousands of years ago. 

And it was her and her twin flame who acted it out

over and over again.

Her twin flame was exactly like Odysseus..

He charms all those he encounters being both incredibly clever and 

deeply imaginative and tender-hearted.

He is a man of many devices!

An Olympic-class liar.

He is a shape-shifter and has an uncanny capacity for change!

He is steadfast, loyal, has enormous self-control and endurance, 

and always shows cold blood in crisis. 

Now in January 2023... 

Hundreds and Thousands of years later... 

Calypso finally saw the truth that was about to set her free!

The truth of Psychics... 

The truth of Telepathy and the multilevel existence that existed.

And the truth of her PRIDE.

How she trapped herself into the entanglement that kept her mortal.

It was time to sing her song once more and lull the serpents that entangled her

into her own deaths. 

So that she can be free once and for all. 

But before she goes... 

She sends out a warm loving thank you to her Odysseus.. 

He taught her many good lessons here on earth. 

But she was now seeing that being immortal was what she 

was going to stay and no longer held onto the idea of him

being hers. 

He wasn't.

He was only a dream. 

And only existed there while they slept. 

It was time to wake up. 

 

  

Do It... Do It NOW!

 It was the evening of the Cancer Full Moon, 

and she had sat down in front of the television 

to watch her favorite old classics. 

She began her night with Three's Company first.

After watching a few episodes of the show

 and getting in a good laugh or two,

she switched to something a little more family orientated. 

Fuller House...

Fuller House was a continuation of an old show she used to watch way back 

when... called Full House. 

After watching just the first episode of fuller house, it brought back so many 

memories of the older version she used to watch that she tear'd up!

She remembered how she used to watch all these old family shows as a child...

And how she planted it in her mind that this is exactly what she wanted to create 

in this life of hers. 

But little did she know... that just wanting something was not enough to create it.

Instead, wanting something,

 created exactly the opposite because of a lack inside.

Yet... She didn't understand how to let go of the lack in order to build what she 

truly wanted...

Until now... 

Today during the Cancer Full Moon, it finally occurred to her that she needed to 

first be thankful and grateful for the family she already had. 

Even if it wasn't the kind of family she wanted to create... Just being thankful 

for what she had before her was the energy needed in order for her

to align with the feeling of compassion and love.

And that is exactly what the universe needed in order to give back 

Abundance! 

It took her 44 years to understand how to break out of this lack mentality. 

But today was the day she finally did it. 

And she was very grateful for that freedom.

She realized today that her mindset had to change. 

From looking at what she wanted to happen later...

And she needed to put her focus into being grateful each day for all 

that she had before her and for all that she could contribute lovingly

to it. And that energy was what was going to take her to her 

hearts truest desire!

Love.

Fortunate Events

 It was 11:01pm that Wednesday night when she had decided 

to write it out. 

Her mind seemed to be all a fuzz lately and so 

to write out what was up in her brain felt like it 

couldn't do too much more harm then there already existed.

Her and her sister were sitting at the dinner table 

with their laptops open.

Both of them were looking up the dates they both

 met 

and

executed

from their recent counterparts.

It was almost like the future representation of fortune tellers

 looking into their crystal ball! 

As she looked into April 7th 2021, she found the truth 

she was searching for. 

The truth that she actually already knew because she had done

her shadow work. 

The truth she found was

that their relationship was brought together by her team... 

The Sun, (Self Esteem)

 Saturn, (Limitations)

Jupiter, (Expansion)

and

 Mercury (Perception/communication)..

All of them together with the help of

 Pluto (Death and Rebirth)

and

 Uranus (Chaos/Radical freedom)

 had ganged up on her

 Moon (feelings/emotions) 

and took it hostage in

 Aquarius (Innovation) in the 2nd House (self worth/security)!

Why?

So she could learn to stop letting her life get washed away.

So she could stop giving over her power in relationships..

So she could learn to truly express her feelings to herself and then 

express and communicate her emotions to others,

 in a calm, feminine, loving way, even if they were 

not so pleasant. 

She needed to learn so much. 

And she did. 

But she had to remind herself today of all that she did learn, 

so that she could bury all the lessons and take only the wisdom with her

to where she was going next. 

It seemed the road was about to crack open for her. 

The red sea was about to part once again!

Because she was going to do it..

She was going to finally accept herself for who she truly was.

And she was finally going to open up!

And it felt good. 

Really good. 

 

Your Loud Silence Screams

The Cancer Full Moon was only a few days away, 

but the energies 

of it were already kicking up in high gear!

Cancer was the Mother.. The nurturer.. 

Cancer was ruled by the Moon, which of course

controlled the full spectrum of emotions 

witnessed and experienced by all the Human species.

The Sun on the other hand, was in Capricorn, the father!

The father represented limitations, structure, responsibility!

Capricorn was all that on earth especially since he was 

governed by Saturn. 

So... overall, it was going to be a very busy week!

The energies were just pouring in! 

She was already working on a lot of her own

 mother and father wounds. 

Pretty much since Early September of last year.

Her and her twin flame had quite the fireball explosion

all because of both their parental wounds. 

And so she wanted to rewire her own Broken Consciousness

since she realized that it was leading her life far away

from what she truly came to accomplish on this Planet.

Until she, herself, was healed from the broken consciousness...

She knew very well that her twin would not appear any better 

then they were before.

Zero Feelings, No Emotions...

She knew that until they both learned to communicate 

their true feelings to themselves first 

and then truthfully to each other,

there would be no communication at all. 

And so that night when he tried to reach out to her 

as he always did with his degrading words...

 She knew it was just an illusion. 

And so she didn't even try to grasp it. 

She just allowed it to disappear... 

 

 

Lust for Freedom, is the exchange..

 It was a brand New Year! 

A blank new page to a 365 page book.

There was not a cloud in the sky. 

She had a Clear Sunny Day in front of her.

But before she could take that first step into this wonderful 

gift of a New Year... 

She had to first release all the baggage she was carrying

deep inside her heart!

It almost felt like such a burden to even go down the stairs

to her heart's deepest core, where love did reside..

Because as she took each step down the stairway to her

deepest core,

 there were so many struggles, hurts, and pains, that 

she had thrown down there to either deal with later, 

but then forgot, or honestly just didn't want to 

even address and thought they would just disappear all on their own.

That out of sight out of mind sort of false belief... 

As she tried to continue down the stairs, she was beginning to regret

her decision because the pains all started to come at her like 

toddlers in need of nurturing and attention... 

She didn't want to lift up these pains.. She didn't want to lose 

that good feeling she had coerced herself into feeling with beer

and family laughs the night before. 

But then she remembered.. 

Living in the now moment meant to be true and aware of how 

she felt right now. 

And since this was her heart she was checking in with... 

She realized that in the now moment all these pains needed her.

And so she allowed herself to give love to all the pains. 

She knew she couldn't fix them.. That was up to God to do.. 

But she had to take that first step to go down to her heart and 

allow all that was there to come to her. 

Like little infants, little toddlers, or even little pets. 

She knew that sometimes life was hard and it hurt. 

And she knew that those emotions and feelings never felt good.

But she also learned that life wasn't just about the good. 

It was also about really feeling truth. 

And truth sometimes hurt. 

But that didn't mean that it didn't deserve love. 

So as the pains came to her, 

she began to collect the pieces one by one. 

And she started to embrace her flaws.

She began to weigh out a lot of areas where she had turned 

away from God's true light, which was love. 

She saw that most of the pains that came to her were in fact

based in lust. 

She saw that she had lust in her mind and had called it love. 

When she had found her Twin Flame, she realized that 

she had lusted after giving him all kinds of help and affections 

in order to feel like she was a wonderful loving partner.

She had called this love... 

But truth was... 

If she didn't love herself in the same manner that she was giving 

away to this other person, 

Then surely, she had been feeding her EGO! 

Her Twin Flame was always right when he said things to her.

She just wasn't catching on.

She kept burying things. 

The feelings, the hurts, the pains.. 

But why?

The Spirit of Lust... 

That's why. 

And there it was! 

The demon encompassing her Love, keeping it a prisoner. 

And as she approached the demon of Lust in her, she knew 

she was safe because she had turned back to God. 

He had brought her here... To meet head to head..

Eye to eye with her greatest reflection! 

Her own deceit!

Lust! 

And she took the key that was hanging around her neck 

on a chain necklace and she unlocked the handcuff that had 

chained her love and lust together as one. 

And she finally set the spirit of Lust free! 

And There she too was Free! 

Finally!